Turks and OJ
by batteredtruth
Summary: The Turks live their rather ordinary lives shooting people, chasing Aerith & Sephiroth, and doing what Rufus commands. What do they do with their free time?......


**So, I thought of this quite a while ago and wrote it on ruled notebook paper, but I haven't had the time nor chance to type it up. Now, that chance has come (whoots, I've got my own computer now!), my story-telling abilities have...for lack of other words, left for much to be desired. Originally, I had thrown in two of my own characters to help minimize the oocness, since I know my characters' behavior well enough. Sadly, I am the only who would know of their behavior as well as other characters such as Reno and Rude, since I am the only one who is familiar with them. Hence, I had to minimize a six character script to that of four, so lots was edited out unfortunately. Enough of me droning on, just enjoy. It was fun to write up, despite the editing.**

**I ended up putting this in bold, because for some odd reason it loaded up in italics. sigh my new computer hates me.**

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**Elena plopped next to Reno at the bar. Reno glanced at her, then smirked. "What's up, sunshine?" he said in a sarcastic but teasing tone.**

**She slouched, holding her head in her hands. "Heh, funny. Can I switch jobs with you?"**

**"Nope." Reno then downed a glass of unknown liquor.**

**Elena's head hit the bar counter. "Damn."**

**"Hey, it's not that bad. Here, have a few before your shift starts." He slid a drink to her.**

**"Thanks. And yes, it's that bad. Demeaning if anything. All that's there is a bunch of homeless and wannabe gangstas."**

**Reno held back a chuckle, "You're a noob, so don't feel you're getting picked on. I had to do this shit-work when I first joined."**

**Elena sat up and glared at him. "Not getting picked on! Tseng smiled when I complained to him." She downed her glass.**

**"Oh snap. I guess you are getting picked on." Reno slid her another drink.**

**Tseng walked into the bar. "I knew you'd be here, Reno, --" He stopped and eyed Elena then looked at Reno. "...?"**

**"It's the duties you've been assigning her. She's rather...perplexed, per se?"**

**Elena turned to Tseng and saluted, "Good evening, sir."**

**"You shouldn't drink too much. You might be confused with the homeless on the street."**

**Elena downed her glass. "You people are cruel."**

**Reno grinned. "You'd better be going. Tseng might slap some extra shifts on you."**

**She stood, scowling in good humor. "I wonder: were you this cruel to everyone when they first started? Or do you have a sick sense of humor?"**

**"The latter, actually. It's the sole reason I was hired," Tseng added.**

**Elena sputtered a weak laugh. "Save me a seat for when I get back."**

**"No prob." Reno downed another as she left.**

**"You shouldn't get too drunk either."**

**"You know me, Tseng. I have a high tolerance."**

**Tseng looked aroung the bar. "Where's Rude? He's almost always with you."**

**"Dunno. Hey bartender, did you see him last?"**

**The bartender nodded. "Since he mentioned he had some free time I sent him to fetch a shipment of booze. He should be back anytime now."**

**A very surprised Reno blinked innocently at an unimpressed Tseng. "We don't drink...that much, do we?"**

**"Don't worry about it, Mr. Tseng. You fellows are my main form of revenue." The bartender was completely at ease with the Turks.**

**"Isn't that reassuring." Tseng eyed Reno, who downed another glass with a grin. "C'mon, Reno. We were scheduled to meet Rufus twenty minutes ago."**

**Reno stood up and walked with Tseng to the door with no indications of a drunken state.**

**"How do you do it?"**

**"I told you, I have a high tolerance." Reno grinned at Tseng's exasperated response.**

**As they walked to their rendezvous point, they spotted Rude carting several kegs toward the bar in the other direction.**

**"Oi, Rude, hurry up!" Reno called at him. "We're heading out!"**

**Rude cocked a brow at what Reno said then carted to the bar in a surprising burst of speed.**

**Reno glanced in surprise at an emotionally exempt Tseng. "...? You aren't surprised?"**

**Tseng answered in an exasperated tone, "You know, I can take only so much surprise until it blows over me like a rampaging chocobo."**

**"Tseng, that's a pretty bad analogy. Not only does it not pertain to what you mean, it just...sucks."**

**Tseng cocked a brow at him. "Oh? So you have one better?"**

**"Of course." Reno eyed his superior.**

**Tseng eyed him back. "So?"**

**"Remember the last time you were drunk?" _Unlikely_, thought Reno.**

**His brow remained cocked, "You're cruel." _So, he did remember?_**

**"No, Rufus is. I'm just honest."**

**Rude caught up to them.**

**"Yo," Reno signaled to Rude.**

**"Yo." He adjusted his sunglasses.**

**"Let's go."**

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_**Later that night...**_

**All the Turks sat at the bar. In silence they sat, calmly savoring their drinks.**

**Reno smirked, then eyed Elena, "Wanna play a game?"**

**"You know I'll always out-drink your sorry ass."**

**"Bullshit. Hey, your village called. They're missing their idiot."**

**Tseng rubbed his temples, "C'mon Reno, that's a terrible joke."**

**"Let me guess: you've got one better?"**

**"God yes."**

**"Well?"**

**Tseng leaned back, concentrating.**

**"C'mon Tseng, spit it out."**

**Tseng grew dead serious, then downed his glass. "Ninja molestation trial; it gives a whole new meaning to 'blow dart'."**

**In the process of drinking, Rude sprayed his drink. Everyone stared at the usually silent man.**

**"Hey, it wasn't THAT funny." Tseng grew slightly annoyed.**

**Rude dabbed his mouth with a napkin. "No, but you can't let Yuffie hear that one. Excuse my lacking analogy, but she'll have Wutai on us like a pissed yet sadistically playful Sephiroth. We don't need that."**

**Reno concentrated. "Heh, you're right."**

**Elena grinned at Reno. "Jeez Reno, don't strain anything." She then grew fidgety. "Excuse me." She departed towards the ladies' room.**

**Reno opened his mouth for a quick comeback when Rufus walked through the door. He saw the state of his bodyguards and shook his head. "Christ, how long have you all been drinking?"**

**Tseng sipped his glass. His tongue was loosened by the alcohol and his grammar slightly lacked, "Well sir, all of us got here approximately--," he glanced at his watch, "--four hours ago. At first, Reno and Elena tried to out-drink each other, which ended in Reno having to be rececitated. Then Rude was sent out again to fetch another shipment of assorted alcohol. Just recently, Reno yet again challenged Elena. Me, Rude, and Reno have broken our New Year's resolution." He, Reno, and Rude looked down guiltily at the bar.**

**"And may I dare ask what your resolution was?"**

**Tseng looked up, beckoning the bartender for another drink. "Well, we said we'd drink no more than five shots a night."**

**Elena returned and plopped down next to Tseng. She had caught the tail end of the conversation. "Oh well, resolutions never work. Hand me a drink. I had a very long shift."**

**Tseng eyed her as the bartender handed her a shot, which she immediately downed. "Oh, so you've had experience with failed resolutions?" His composure slowly returned.Elena glared at him. He looked on in amusement as she downed five more shots immediately after the first. "Slow down, you'll be wasted in no time. Besides, you wouldn't want a hangover when you go back to the ghetto tomorrow."**

**Elenagritted her teeth, glared fiercely at him, downed her drink, then forcefully slammed it on the counter, still glaring at him.**

**Reno looked away sheepishly. "Damn." He glanced at Tseng. "C'mon Tseng, have a heart. She'll come after you with the vengeance of Sephiroth if you decide to continue."**

**"Damn straight." Elena's tongue was becoming quite loose towards her superior.**

**Tseng decided to set her straight, but couldn't effectively hide the amusement in his voice. "I will gladly prolong your time in the ghetto if you choose so."**

**That almost immediately sobered her up. "Yessir."**

**No one noticed that Rufus was still there. And, no one noticed that he had a giant grin on his face. Absentmindedly, Reno glanced over his shoulder and almost spit the drink he was savoring. "You still here?"**

**Rufus, a little annoyed at the lack of manners, still grinned. "It's quite amusing to see what the Turks do on their free time. I always wondered how you spent your time."**

**A little drunk, Reno's mouth grew rather bold, and said cynically,"Oh, how thoughful of you, President." **

**Tseng, furious, kicked Reno hard enough in the shin to make him double over. "Watch your tongue, Reno. I'll give you Elena's shift if you continue to act so rashly."**

**Like Elena, he instantly sobered. "Yessir."**

**In a matter of minutes everyone was yet again savoring each drink. Because...**

**"It's time. You gotta leave now," the bartender started washing all the glasses and putting chairs on the tables. "C'mon, you heard me."**

**"Eh, we're getting there." Reno lifted Elena to her feet and helped her walk outside. She was almost asleep in her stupor.**

**Tseng and Rude looked on. Tseng looked worrysome, "God, I have to change her assigned location. This is ridiculous."**

**Rude nodded in agreement.**

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**owari**


End file.
